Bill and I had been best friends in college. At some point in our friendship we became lovers. On a vacation together where we had been trying to figure out our relationship I came to our hotel room to find him fucking someone else. In my mind that told me everything I needed to know about how he felt about us. I made my decision right then and there before they noticed I had found them. I had my purse on me. I had brought a small back pack with swimsuits, we had gone to Florida for some sun. I knew I wouldn’t miss the swim suits. I closed the door to the room and took the stairs down to the lobby. I had a cab take me to the airport. I used my emergency credit card to change my flight. I called my dad as I waited for my flight to explain what had happened and why I had used my emergency credit card.

My phone had various calls and texts asking where I was from Bill when I landed. I changed my number the next day. Knowing he when he got back he’d come to my apartment looking for me I had the locks changed and took my dog to my parents’ house. We had gone to Florida to celebrate our graduation so I had three months before I started graduate school. I called my cousin in New York City. He and his life partner said I could stay with them for the summer. My cousin’s life partner got me a summer job at his office. I cried myself to sleep every night that summer.

When I began my MSW program that Fall I was given the news by a friend who I suspected enjoyed the pain she was causing giving me the “happy news” that Bill had gotten married to someone he had met weeks after our disastrous vacation to find out if instead of just fuck buddies we should be a couple. It took him years to get that far with me but it had taken him three months to decide he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this one woman. It was a dark time for me.

Life goes on though and so had mine. Ten years had gone by and I was moving back to my old college town from New York City. I could afford a packing company and I would have them do the most everything but there were things, like my books that I wanted to do myself. My small New York City apartment held a large bookcase of reference books. There were some old classics that I liked to read at night too. I was surprised to find some old journals in the bookshelf. It had been a long day and I was tired of packing my books. These journals being the last things on the bookshelf I decided to sit on the hard Beylikdüzü escort bayan wood floor and read one entry per journal. There were about 6 of them covering most of high school and all of college. I laughed and cried as I read the journals which spoke mostly of Bill. I took a deep breath when I was done.

It had been ten years and I had forgotten how much Bill had been to me during our college years. I bend my legs and put my head on my knees thinking to myself that it was time to move on from the hurt that he had caused. I took a deep breath when I had made my decision. I went to my bed and picked up my laptop and went on to Facebook. I knew several of my friends were friends with him on there. I looked him up and before doing what I had decided needed to be done I looked through his photos. I saw a story of a happy family. His wife wasn’t the most attractive woman but she seemed to love him. They had four children together, two girls and two boys. I was happy for him. I took a deep breath and began my note to him.

Bill,

This is definitely 10 years late. I should have been braver but bravery was never my virtue. I assume you surmised that I came back from my run on the each sooner than my usual hour I took back then. I was so young and imagined myself in love with you so seeing you with her broke me. I made my decision as soon as I saw you two and realized you were too busy to even realize I had walked in. I made all my decisions from that point on hurt and wanting to hurt you just as badly. I couldn’t see you for fear that I would forgive you so I changed my number and ran away from the conversation we should have had. I cheated myself telling you what a shit you were for doing that. You didn’t even try to search for me after the calls. Not that I made it easy. Today as I pack my things moving from the place I’ve called home for so long I’ve realized it’s time to let go of past hurts. I made my dream come true and I’m a counselor for girls and women with eating disorders. I’m taking the advice I give so many of them. Know that I’ve let go of the hurt that you caused. You and your wife and your four children seem happy. You deserve it.

Two weeks later my phone buzzed a few times in a row while I was out to dinner. Enjoying my night out with some old college friends who were still in the area I didn’t pick up to see what had my phone buzzing. When dinner was over Escort Beyoğlu and I was in my taxi on my way home I looked at my phone and was surprised to see that the buzzing was that Bill had sent me a message. Since I hadn’t heard from him soon after sending him the message I didn’t think I would be getting a reply from him. Not only had he sent a reply but also a friend request from him.

I accepted the request and then read the message he had sent me. In it he apologized for not replying sooner and said he had tried but he had gotten busy. The comment made my eyes roll. This was the same Bill as always it seemed. He was too busy for me. I was neither surprised nor hurt by this. As I continued to read his message both a sense of happiness that he wasn’t as happy in life as the pictures I had seemed to show and a sense of sadness of the chaos he had caused in his life. He explained that he had been busy since his estranged wife had left him and the children days before he had gotten my message. He had been trying to organize his life and that of his children and this had been the first time he could truly sit down and reply to my message.

After explaining his current situation he apologized for had happened between the two of us. He explained his realization of what had happened when I hadn’t shown up exactly an hour after going out for my daily run. He knew my run was always exactly and hour and he thought he wouldn’t be caught. He had no way of knowing that I had decided sex was more important than a run and had turned around back to the hotel 15 minutes into my run. He explained panicking after so many calls and texts and I wouldn’t reply to him. I felt slightly guilty when he explained that he tried to get an earlier flight but he couldn’t afford it. In my rush to leave I forgotten that his parents weren’t as well off as mine and if he did try to come find me he couldn’t just use a credit card his parents gave him in case of emergencies. He went on to explain coming back home and running to my apartment and his key not working. He explained knocking on the door and realizing that my dog wasn’t barking so I must have taken her and myself to my parent’s house. He explained the despair of getting to their house and my mother refusing to tell him anything but that I had left and wasn’t coming back. My mother had never told me this. I loved her so much for protecting me. When I had left for my cousins Bomonti escort both my parents were under the assumption I’d come back in a few days not that I stay there.

After reading what he had sent I replied to his message and told him that even though what had done to me had hurt me deeply I had never meant to hurt him back. My only intent was to protect my heart from more bruising than it already had. We messaged back and forth for some time that night. We caught each other up in our lives. He told me about his failed marriage and how his wife had left him and their kids with no explanation one day. I told him about my work as a counselor and in the non-profit world.

We messaged back and forth for a few weeks catching each other up on ten years of our lives. He told me about his decision on not becoming a teacher and going into gaming. In return I told him about the craziness that being a grad student in NYC. He told me about marrying his ex after she got pregnant on their first date. I told him about being married to an artist and how that failed after two years. It seemed like our old friendship was budding again. His having moved to Chicago for his job stopped them seeing each other and truly being friends. At the moment they were more like pen pals. They wrote each other at least once a day.

You’re different. He told her me one day.

I think what you mean to say is I have no fucks to give now that I’m an adult.

He laughed at my comment and agreed that I was right. A few days later we were sending messages to one another about our work day.

Do you always get what you want? He asked after telling him how the contractors working in my house got the marble counter tops I wanted after telling me they weren’t going to be able to get it.

I wish that were true and maybe I wouldn’t be as horny as I am right now. I’m going through a dry spell right now. I’m sure you know how that is going through your divorce. I couldn’t believe I had sent that to him. We hadn’t discussed sex since we began talking again.

I see some things never change. You were always horny when we sleeping together

I’d act offended but it’s true. You never complained.

Why would a man complain that the person he’s had the best sex with wanted more? I’m getting hard just remembering how tight you were.

Thinking of you over there with that problem on your hands is making me wet.

Are you touching yourself?

Do you want me to? Bill knew I had a bit of a submissive streak and would do anything he told me to once he got me horny. My phone rang. The screen said it was him.

“Hello,” I answered the phone hoping I knew where this was going.

“Touch yourself, Luna” he commanded me.