Unlike what I’d initially planned, I didn’t go back into Second Life the next day, or at all, over the next two weeks. Feelings of guilt, the hectic nature of my days, as classes resumed, and my roommate’s moping around the room, mourning her renewed separation from her boyfriend back home, all combined to inhibit my return online.
Nothing more might have happened, had it not been for the fact that Elise, depressed beyond my comprehension, announced about 2 weeks into the semester that she was dropping out and returning home. And with that, she was gone, and suddenly I had a “single” dorm room.
My dorm RA (resident assistant) assured me that I could expect a new roommate at any point, but none ever showed up. It was pure luck, but it led to some very irresponsible behavior, on my part. Like logging back onto to Second Life and spending way too much time in that virtual world. Engaging in the most embarrassing of perverse behaviors. And so of course, you’re wondering what it is I did there.
I guess Elise moved out on a Wednesday. That Saturday at the end of January, I woke up feeling lazy, and had already promised myself that it would be a lazy day, with no studying and no partying. So I logged onto my computer when I got up, still not showered or changed from pajamas, had a snack out of my little dorm fridge, and impulsively opened up Second Life.
I sat for a while and stared at the Karl username for a while, feeling disgusted with myself. But I realized that I was feeling more annoyed with how poorly I’d lied about my alter ego than with the fact that I’d done it. I felt a strange twinge that was definitely NOT guilt – it was between my legs.
So this time, before going on, I tried to work out more carefully my Karl’s “real-life back-story,” as I thought of it. I figured I could change anything I hadn’t “revealed” already. As I thought about it, though, I didn’t change as much as I expected I’d change.
I kept him roughly based on my own dad – I imagined him single, with non-resident kids. But I gave him two daughters – just to complicate things, and because I had always wanted a sister. I actually wrote out some twisted little exhibitionistic anecdotes ahead of time, and named the daughters (Ashley and Brooke – nice generic born-in-the-80’s girl names), and thought about what they looked like.
At last, I logged on, and, seeing that Angel wasn’t online, I decided to take my time and try to make my avatar a little less generic. I went to some places that I’d found where you can get free clothes and non-default appearances (“skins” they’re called), and I filled in his profile a little bit, including a “first life” bio: he lived in Southern California (a place I was familiar with – since my mom’s parents lived there – in case geographical trivia arose), he was a “writer,” he enjoyed camping, and fine food. I joined some innocuous groups, and found one of the music clubs that I remembered my dad had listed, and joined it, too.
I tracked down a few of Angel’s other landmarks, as best I could, from memory. A few of them were what, in the game, I’ve heard called “newbie hubs” or “welcome areas” – places where new players land when they log onto the game. I realized that these places were a common place to hang out, even for non-newbies, to meet new people, socialize, and even just generally to be helpful or friendly. I was afraid to repeat the ambush at his “home,” given I done it once – I felt it would be too much like I was stalking him or something to try it again.
So I picked one of the busiest of the newbie hubs that I remembered from Angel’s profile, and started hanging out, chatting with people a little, and waiting. I knew it could, potentially, be a long time. And, perhaps not surprisingly, I started making a few friends – I was being helpful with people less experienced than I, and I even took this one guy I met and showed him where he could get free stuff.
Several hours passed. Then, I saw her. My dad’s avatar, Angel. She was dressed very elegantly, a sort of nineteenth-century looking dress with big skirts, long gloves, but also the big clonky female agent porno boots, and sunglasses, and a funky little hat. Another image for a Gothic Lolita, but completely different from the last one. I thought – man, my dad has got some kind of FASHION sense! Weird.
Feeling some trepidation, I approached her. She’d come into the hub and had gone to an unoccupied bench and sat down. I sat on another bench, nearby. She’d made a few changes to her profile. One thing she’d put was that it was OK to IM her, as she was “often not paying attention” and she said it didn’t bother her. IM is a way to have private conversations in the game, that other players who are nearby can’t see. I felt as nervous as I had at my first high school dance. And… I sensed it was up to me to make the first move.
Finally, I worked up some nerve and sent a “Hi” via IM. She answered with a “hello” and said she remembered me, and we had a fairly generic chat for a while – I complemented her avatar’s appearance, she said I’d made progress at making mine not appear too generic, also. We commented on the obnoxious behavior of some nearby avatars (I think that is the SL conversational equivalent of talking about the weather – I guess obnoxious avatars – “griefers” – are SL’s closest equivalent to actual weather, in some respects).
I had decided to proceed much more slowly and cautiously, this time. The way she chatted with me, and the much more conservative cut of her current outfit, made it seem likely she was in a more social but less overtly flirtatious mood than our last encounter. So, when she volunteered to show me some cool places she’d found, I took her up on it.
Despite my nagging, even rather embarrassing, impatience, I let our first encounter end without so much as a sexual innuendo. Instead, we concluded with adding each other to our “friends” lists, which would make her somewhat easier to find, moving forward. I hoped I’d made a good impression.
I finally logged off around 1 pm, showered and dressed and went out to the cafeteria for some lunch, and carefully avoided logging back in, that day. I felt like I’d just been on a first date, and harbored these odd superstitious notions that showing too much interest would jinx the relationship. Which said I was somehow seeking some kind or relationship. Which made my heart pitter-patter, as it hadn’t since with Brandon. Which was downright twisted, cuz this was my dad, pretending to be a girl my age, and I was pretending to be a guy, his age! But I KNEW he was pretending. But he DIDN’T know I was.
Much to my own amazement, I found myself in the library, studying, that evening, because – I rationalized – I wanted to have some free time on Sunday to log onto SL again. It’s funny to think how studying in the library on a Saturday night was the first sign of an impending, out-of-control addiction.
Next day, I logged on again, mid morning, but seeing he wasn’t around, I popped off again quickly and did some homework. Later in the afternoon, I tried again, and seeing he was online, I stayed on. I went to the same newbie hub where we’d met, and waited for about half an hour to see if he would contact me, but I knew he had an extensive friends list, and suspected he wouldn’t. Meanwhile, I did some exploring. I tried to think of a pretext for getting in touch with her, but failed. And I was feeling impatient.
“How’s it going?” I sent, via IM. I didn’t know where she was or what she was doing, and hoped I wasn’t interrupting anything.
“Kinda bored. Hanging out at a dance club,” she sent back. “What are you doing?”
“Sitting in that newbie hub where we were last time.”
“Wanna join me?” she asked.
I said, “sure,” and she sent me a teleport link to the club. I went there, and it was playing a kind of industrial house music that I had a very difficult time imagining my dad liking – but Angel was “dancing,” furiously. Dancing in SL consists of running animations on your avatar, and when you go to a club, you get streaming music and you click on some object in the club (like the dance floor or a disco ball) that gizli cekim porno runs the animations on your avatar so you don’t have to figure out your next dance move manually. It’s pretty cool, actually, though like most of SL, it looks kind of cartoony, and it definitely can get repetitive. But sometimes it’s worth it just for the streaming music, if it’s good, and I found myself liking the sound of the place Angel was at, though it wasn’t really my regular genre.
So I clicked in, and watched Karl dance with Angel. My Karl. His Angel. Weird. Angel was wearing a short skirt again, this time a green poofy one that flew all around, and had white stockings and little buckle shoes, and a sheer looking top with a jacket over it whose edges just barely concealed her nipples. And a cute little floppy looking cap over a different hairstyle. Very sexy and cute.
The dance animations sometimes made the avatars do flips and fly through the air. I found myself noticing how realistic the black thong panties she was wearing under the skirt looked, exposing the slightly pinker skin on either side of the edge of the cloth at the crotch. The avatar skin she had was much more realistic than most of what I’d seen in SL, I realized. Though my experience in that area was limited, admittedly.
As our avatars danced together, he sent me another IM. “Truth or dare?”
I should have expected this, but my heart beat a little faster, immediately.
“Truth,” I requested, glad we were playing this in IM, where the other people in club wouldn’t see the conversation.
The question surprised me. “Do you think I’m weird, being an older guy with a teenage girl avatar?”
I decided honesty was the best policy. “I think you’re extremely weird. But I’m kinda weird myself,” I wrote back. “So if you’re worried it bothers me… it doesn’t.”
“Haha,” he typed. “Your turn.”
Right. “Truth or dare?”
“Dare.” he typed back immediately.
It was a moment I’d been dreading. Mostly because I really had no idea what to give as a dare. Once again, I opted for honesty, “I really have no idea what to give as a dare.”
“C’mon,” he typed. “If you were dancing with a girl like me in a real club, right now, and she asked for a dare, what would you think of?”
“It would depend on how well I know the girl,” I finally hazarded.
“Ah. Pretend we’re good friends, and you know I’m a bit of a slut.”
“I see,” I responded, already knowing what I should dare him. Her? I was so confused. “Ok, I dare you to keep dancing, but without the underwear.”
“Oh, good one. I knew you’d get right to the point.”
Removing clothing in SL is just a matter of selecting the item and choosing “take off” – it disappears from your body to your inventory instantaneously. So she could remove her panties without even stopping dancing. Suddenly, her surprisingly anatomically-correct pussy was spinning in front of me on the screen, as the dance animation had his avatar spinning upside-down. Slut, indeed.
“Very sexy,” I typed.
“ty” [thank you] he returned. “t or d”
“truth or dare?”
“Oh, right. Truth,” I selected.
“Still afraid of a dare?”
“I don’t have the right anatomy to flash anyone,” I explained. In SL, male anatomy is more complicated than female anatomy – because it requires attachments, to get that, er, protuberant aspect. To really do it right, you need at least two attachments – a “soft” and a “hard” version, and then you need scripting to switch them out in a way that doesn’t make you look like a dyke adjusting her strap-on. You should be impressed that I researched this.
“LOL,” was the quick reply. “I can get you the right anatomy,” he sent, after a pause.
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
“LOL,” he typed again. Then, “Plus, there are other kinds of dares. So are you counting that as my question to you?”
“Naw… go ahead,” I answered.
“You told me before about a time you saw your daughter’s nipples. You said there were a few times you saw stuff like that. What was another time?”
I had expected glory hole secrets porno the subject would come back to this. I was almost glad that it had, mostly because I knew I’d have ended up bringing it up, if he hadn’t. And I’d done my homework: I had my prepared little anecdotes. I always yearned for the teacher to call on me when I was prepared. I was the kid barely able to contain herself with her arm raised in the front row – pick me, pick me.
“Actually, I have two daughters. The one I told you about before was about Ashley. Brooke is a few years older, and a few months back, I had an interesting encounter.”
“Hmm… cool. What happened?” He was almost too eager.
Yet… I was also too eager, to feed him these little fantasies. This was so twisted.
“My daughters live with their mom, and I see them a lot but only on, like, weekends. The girls were over for a few days, and I had gone to run some errands but had gotten back earlier than expected, so they thought they had the place to themselves.
“I came in through the back, and Brooke had loud music on the stereo in the living room, so she didn’t hear me. I don’t know where Ashley was, but Brooke was in there dancing to the music… in her underwear.”
“Wow,” he wrote back. “Did you watch her?”
“Not for very long, I didn’t want to get caught. I went in back and pretended to come in again, much more loudly. She had run and hidden upstairs by the time I got to the living room again.”
“Still, pretty wild, huh?”
“Yes,” I typed. “Truth or dare?”
“Um, truth,” he requested. “This guy just IMed me to tell me my pussy is showing LOL.”
“What did you say?” I asked.
“Hah I asked if it bothered him. He said NO.”
“Of course not. How could that bother a guy?” I sent. Then, my question, “Tell me another thing that happened with your daughter.” As I pressed enter to send the IM message, my heart immediately accelerated.
“Ah. Is that my ‘truth’?” he asked.
“Well… not that much has really happened.”
I suspected as much, but I already knew what I was going to ask if this were his answer. “Tell me a fantasy, then,” I said. Because inquiring minds want to know.
“Now the guy wants to go have sex. I told him NO, it’s just for a dare. Ok… hmm a fantasy.”
“LOL,” I typed, at his little dramatic rendition of the consequences of his dare. And waited expectantly to hear his fantasy about his daughter. But I was still unprepared for what he finally said.
“I’ve actually been kind of obsessing on an idea that you gave me, when you told me about your dare last time we played. Where you were dared to masturbate, and your daughter might have caught you. I imagine something similar… me doing that, and she catches me. Maybe she watches me for a while… I don’t notice her watching, until after I’ve started to cum.”
Why is it that this is exactly the fantasy I’d masturbated to, two weeks ago, and was harboring so much guilt about?! Is he reading my mind? I was totally freaking out, at this point, but in a creepy, sexually obsessive way that had me looking for more, rather than running and hiding as any normal person would have done.
“Do you think she would really watch you, and not be grossed out?” I asked him. Shouldn’t I be grossed out? I asked myself. Rather than wanting to hear more?
“I don’t know,” he sent. “But it’s a fantasy, LOL.”
“True,” I said.
“How do you think your daughter would have reacted, if she’d caught you?” he asked.
“I really don’t know.”
There was a short period when we didn’t IM each other. I was imagining the worst (or best?) – that my father was masturbating over this fantasy he was chatting about with a stranger online.
Finally, he IMed again, “truth or dare?”
Reflexively, I typed, “dare.” But I didn’t hit enter. I paused. What sort of dare might he assign to me? I felt myself trembling, and for a minute I thought, what, is it cold in here? No… I was so fucking horny, I was shaking!
Ah, irony again, huh? Here I was worried HE was the one masturbating while we had this perverted conversation, but I’d say I was the one at risk, just then. Just talking about this stuff. Pure situation. Reminded me of a conversation I’d had with my friend Christa, the previous fall – “good sex was pure situation,” I’d declared, not even sure what I’d meant at the time. This. THIS was “pure situation.”