I woke up abruptly. The boom of my heart was thudding in my chest, and I was damp with sweat all over. “Jesus!” I exclaimed softly and looked around wildly. Where was I? Dazed, I scrubbed my face with my hands and looked around at the dark room.

Oh. That’s right. I was in Derek’s house. Shit.

I’d loved Derek ever since we were teenagers. We grew up together since our parents had been close friends, but his parents had divorced when we were eight. I didn’t see him then for several years, but when we met again at 16 it was love at first sight. For me, love was all those things you always hear about: electricity, nerves, bliss, and an occasional odd but very pleasant feeling of sinking into a warm bath. He told me he loved me, and for a while it was wonderful. After a while, being 16 and consequently stupid, I said I wanted to end it and see other people. He was disappointed, but agreed, saying he had seen it coming too.

Over the years in between, I’d been with other people, particularly in college, but nothing important ever came of my experimentation. It was only Derek who would come back to my thoughts again and again. Everything would be going along normally, and then one day I’d get one of his infrequent calls, as we did stay loosely in touch. Or I’d dream of him some night and the cycle of thinking of him and daydreaming of him would start again. We’d never even slept together, but he was the closest thing to a lover I had in my life. Nobody else had ever touched my soul the way he had. At times that fact drove me nuts, since our relationship—for lack of a better word—was so unstable. I wished that either we could get together or that I could finally just move on…that one way or another things would finally be resolved between us.

Last week he’d called me, and as we were catching up on the phone, he told me that he had moved back to his hometown, just a couple hours away from me. He invited me to come up and stay the weekend and since it had been three years since I last saw him, I agreed eagerly. Now, here I was in his house with him sleeping just across the hall.

I felt a hard punch of lust, and got this nearly overpowering urge to go in his room and get into bed with him. It felt like what I imagined junkies went through in withdrawal: an overwhelming need for the object of your desire, feverish body temperature, shaking all over. But I felt constrained. In some ways I felt closer to Derek than anyone in the world, but I could also feel him keeping me at a distance. I sat back against the headboard and my recent thoughts about us ran through my head again.

I am very open and direct with most people and Derek was no exception, but he was much more reserved than me. He was an excellent listener, but rarely spoke about what he was feeling. Both of us were single, were living within a reasonable distance of each other to make a relationship a possibility and I knew neither of these facts had escaped either of us. But Derek had gotten out of a serious relationship not long ago, and I knew he’d been badly scarred by it. I didn’t know if he still had feelings for me, and if so if he was ready to act on them. I wasn’t even sure what exactly I wanted ultimately. With all this confusing me, I was at a loss for what to do.

Deciding that I at least had to get out of this room, I thought I’d go onto the back deck for some fresh air. I was still hot from thrashing around in my sleep and the sheets were crumpled and avcılar elit escort clingy. I straightened them so they could air out, opened the window to let some air in, and then went out into the hall. Derek’s door was on my way to the sliding glass doors at the end of the hall, and I couldn’t help pausing before it, but after a few moments of fierce longing, I sighed and slipped out into the night.

It was a perfect night to be out here with someone else, I realized wryly. The air was balmy with just enough coolness to it and mist snaked through the woods that I could see from the deck. Taking a few slow deep breaths calmed me down a lot and took the edge off my fever. The air felt so good and fresh, and I thought about stripping off my nightshirt. Nobody would see me since the deck faced only the woods. The nearest neighbors were a couple of miles away.

“What the hell,” I thought. “Go on Gwen, be a bad girl for a change.” I ripped it off, dropping it in a heap beside me. Mmmmm. That felt really good. I reached my arms above my head, leaning backwards and stretching luxuriously. A good stretch is almost the next best thing to good sex in my opinion. I was so hot that I could actually see steam very faintly coming off my skin. The nape of my neck was sweaty too, so I ran my hand over it and shook my hair out. As I was massaging my neck, I realized that despite the cooler air on my naked skin I was getting hot inside again, and the lust was creeping back up. The urge to go in and take advantage of Derek in his sleep seemed to be under control though, so I mentally relaxed.

The night breeze caressed me, thin wisps of air brushing me all over. I let my own hands do likewise, and caressed myself. I was covered with light goosebumps, but I was drinking in the fresh air, slaking my skin-thirst. My nipples were initially puckered from the chill, but when I ran my hands over them, my arousal had them swollen and sticking out. I tweaked them and closed my eyes to let myself enjoy the sensations that rippled through my body. Particularly an increasingly deep throbbing between my thighs, a strong desire to be fucked.

Slowly, my hand crept down and into the heat between my legs, tracing the slickness between my nether lips. That light touch made me shiver and moan quietly, as I continued stroking myself, coaxing more wetness forth. Touching myself like this, and as powerfully aroused as I was, I couldn’t help but think of Derek. I said his name aloud, hardly more than a low moan. At that, I heard a sharply indrawn breath behind me, and I opened my eyes and whirled around. Standing no more than three feet away from me in the soft dark night was Derek, staring at me, also naked, and breathing almost as hard as I was.

I had no idea what to say or do. We both stood there frozen, and then I recognized the look in his dark eyes. Shock was there, yes, but it didn’t take long for me to recognize the need and lust that was there as well. In the few seconds we stared at each other, motionless, it seemed like time stood still as well, and it was in that brief pause that I realized that it didn’t matter whether we wanted a relationship, or how he felt about me. I didn’t care. It all came down to the fact that we needed to do this, to consummate a relationship that had been years in the developing. What happened afterwards didn’t matter.

Locking eyes with him, I took a deliberate step forward. A light avcılar escort flared in his eyes like a match being struck, and before I even saw him move he had picked me up and I was crushed against him. I wrapped my legs around his waist and my arms around his shoulders. I tilted my face up to his as he kissed me hungrily. His hands slid from my waist down to my ass, and pulled me even closer against him so that his swelling cock nestled between the folds of my hot and wet pussy. I purred when I felt him down there, and started rubbing against him. His response was a deep growl as his hands tightened on my ass and he kissed me harder, biting my lip.

Derek turned around abruptly and headed for his bedroom, carrying me. When we got there, he kicked the door shut with his foot, and sank down on the bed with me now straddling his lap. I leaned forward to kiss him again, but he held me still as he leaned forward and sank his teeth into my neck.

“I can smell your pussy,” he whispered, and then slid his tongue up the side of my neck and around the outer edge of my ear. I stiffened in response. He pulled back and suckled hard on my nipples, watching my face the whole time.

“You’re really wet, Gwen. All hot and slick. Tell me you want me,” he went on in his low voice, as he slid a finger between my lips but not inside me yet. I stiffened more and moaned. He kept stroking me there gently and whispered, “Tell me, Gwen,” as he sucked a nipple and worked his way up to my neck.

“Yesss, Derek,” I got out, faintly.

He finally kissed me on the lips again. “Good girl.” He resumed kissing me, slipping a finger all the way inside me just as he slid his tongue into my mouth. It had been a while since I’d been with anyone and Derek’s fingers—like the rest of him—were large. I gasped into his mouth at the feeling. I felt him smile and he responded by slowly adding another finger. It was very tight as I felt the rough skin of his fingers caressing inside my slick tunnel.

He took his time, deliberately going slow and watching me as he worked on my nipples, my neck, and my mouth as he fingered me. The combination of my long-repressed feelings and desires for Derek and the fact that he knew exactly what to do to me had my entire body going berserk, all systems on overload. I felt myself building to the biggest climax of my life, so intense that it scared me, but there was no possible way that I could have stopped it. I bit down on my lip so hard it hurt to hold back the screams I wanted to let loose, but Derek wasn’t deceived by my silence.

“Don’t hold it back, Gwen. Let me hear what I’m doing to you,” he murmured before he kissed my bruised lips again. He then began to use his thumb on my clit, swirling in slow circles as he continued sliding his fingers in and out of me, brushing my spot. That pushed me well over the edge, and I fell hard.

I came, louder and longer than ever before in my life and finally trailed off, panting and sobbing. Before I had time to collect my blown senses, Derek pulled his hand away and put his hands firmly on my hips. He pulled me straight down onto his huge hard cock just as he kissed me again.

Still feeling the aftershocks of my first orgasm, I went rapidly into the second at the feel of him stretching me so full, and I started screaming again. Finally taking some action, I clutched his shoulders for support and rode him hard as he continued to pull my hips avcılar eve gelen escort roughly against him.

He growled softly in my ear, “All these years, this is what you always wanted, isn’t it Gwen? You wanted me slamming deep inside you just like this, didn’t you? Didn’t you?”

“Yes! Yes, I fucking wanted you, all right?” I screamed, as I clawed his back, which made him draw in his breath, hissing.

“That’s it.” He pulled my hips down again and ground my body against him as he rolled over on top of me. I locked my legs around his waist as he linked his fingers through mine and held my hands down. I expected him to keep fucking me the way we had been, hard and rough, how I wanted it…but he didn’t do that.

Instead, he started moving in and out of me just a fraction of an inch at a time, watching the absolute torture on my face as he did it. I was squirming as much as I could with him on top of me, pinning me down, but it had no effect on him except to make him smile. He kissed me again, slow and deep and intimate, then whispered in my ear again.

“Tell me what you’re feeling, Gwen.”

I could barely form the words. “I…ah…it feels…”

He took my neck in a long sucking bite, making me gasp and squeeze my eyes shut. “Tell me, baby.” Then he slammed into me hard, all the way up to the hilt. Shocked out of my taut, squirming silence, I sucked in a breath and screamed:

“Oh God, Derek! It feels so fucking good!”

He paused, buried deep in my pussy. “Do you want me to keep going?”

“YES!! Jesus Christ, don’t stop!”

Kissing me again, he began a steady rhythm. Not the slow torture of a few minutes before, and not the sanity-shattering coupling that I wanted, but rather, he rocked inside me as if he were savoring me. There was no sense of urgency, but it wasn’t mechanical by any means…it was a sustaining of these incredible sensations at just the right pitch. All the while he looked in my eyes and I couldn’t look away. I was trapped by the force of his gaze, and that, combined with him finally making love to me like this, holding nothing back, made me more his slave than anything else he had done that night.

After a long time of this drawn-out, sensitive, sensuous pleasuring, I felt myself approaching orgasm once again, and I gripped his hands tighter. Derek sensed it, and began moving faster, finally building up to his own climax. He squeezed my hands in response, pinning me down harder, thrusting faster and deeper. He finally closed his eyes and a look came over him that suggested unbearable pain but I knew it meant he was about to come. I stopped fighting my own orgasm and slid into it effortlessly, the force of it rocking through me in waves, just coming and coming, as I cried out my pleasure.

My hips slamming against him and my pussy squeezing down on his cock were all it took to make Derek join me. As his entire body went rigid, he buried himself in me as deep as he could and he started coming. His eyes snapped open, looking wild and unrestrained as I felt the first spurt inside me. Shaking all over, he stayed inside me, not moving, just holding on to me as hard as he could, pressing against me as he filled me. Through my ecstasy I heard him say, “Gwen, oh god…”

* * * * * * * * * *

The next morning I woke up very early. I watched him sleep for a little while and then I got up and quietly slipped out to shower. When I was dressed, I went downstairs and made some coffee. I thought about the night before for a long time. For the first time in years, I felt calm, lighter, sure of myself and sure of what I wanted. As I drank my coffee, I knew that when he came downstairs I’d be telling him I was leaving. It was finally finished between us.

For E.J.H., wherever he is.