I sat in the pew watching Aaron and the college group. They were busy playing a game and I opted to sit this one out. It gave me a better view of Thomas. He was new in town, tall kind of frat boy looking with broad shoulders and a square jaw. He was good looking. All the girls were flirting with him naturally, like all girls do with the new guy. He seemed to take it in stride and it didn’t seem to get to his head. I felt myself getting flustered around him, so I did my best to keep my distance. It was harder and harder not to let my mind wander to what I was calling, “My otherself.”

I did all I could to push it down. But slowly, it was creeping into more and more of my subconscious. I think I was beginning to acknowledge that. Guilt was there. It was always there. I mean, I had cheated on, well, everything that I believed in. The problem was that it felt so good. I felt so much more than I think I had ever felt doing anything. Was I a slut? Those trashy girls I knew in school that I judged? I didn’t think I was. I don’t know what I was.

But that wasn’t true either. I knew. I knew because Jim told me what I was. Again and again. I was a cocksucker…no I used to be that, now he told me I was a cockslave. If I was honest, which I felt like I never was anymore, then he was right. Every time there was a dick in front of me, I felt taken over by it, that I had to please it. I needed to and God I wanted to. Watching Thomas just made me want more.

But that me could come to this place. I wouldn’t allow it.

I got up and headed out the door. Things were basically done here and I would just text Aaron that I wasn’t feeling good. I need to get out of here for a bit.

I was in my car and headed out onto the road when my phone buzzed.

Aaron: You ok? Where are you?

Me: Fine. Just not feeling good.

Aaron: Ok. Remember we have the event tonight.

“Crap,” I said out loud. I stopped at the light and sighed out loud. My head and heart were not in a good place. The last thing I needed to do was a youth group lock in until the wee hours of the morning.

Me: Oh no! I forgot! I am sorry, I just really don’t feel good.

Aaron: Ok. I will figure something out. Just get some rest. The other church group will be here in a couple hours and we will figure it out.

I realized the event involved several other area churches and leaders. In a way that was really good as Aaron wouldn’t be on his own to manage the high school kids. On the other hand I was really leaving him on his own on this one. The first time in our marriage that I was not supporting him. But my bakırköy escort head wasn’t in a good spot and i couldn’t be there and looking at Thomas the whole time.

“This is better,” I muttered.

I drove home in a bit of a daze. Not knowing what I wanted to do, but really not wanting to be home. I parked at the house and sat in the car. On an impulse I texted Jim.

Me: Hey, I have some time today.

I sat for a minute or two waiting. No reply. I guess he was busy. Of course he was. A guy like that had other things going on besides waiting for my texts. I got out of the car and went inside. I had thing feeling in my stomach. I needed something. To not be here. To not be me right now. Not this version of me. I needed to be Jim’s version. I had to get it out of my system. But how? Jim handled everything.

I had a pit in my stomach. My hands were shaking. I sat at the table and opened up my laptop. I didn’t know what to type or what to search.

My first searches were too non-specific. Things like “sex” and “casual” yielded porn sites or sites that seemed too sketchy. My hands were shaking so bad, I couldn’t focus.

I sent Jim another text: Text me when you get a chance.

Back to the computer. I began to search for personals. I was overwhelmed by what I saw in the “Casual Encounters” section. Hundreds of ads for men looking for sex, posted just today. There were ads for couples looking for another woman, not to mention every kind of match in between. My heart was racing. I started looking through the ads for men looking for women. I was overwhelmed. Pictures of dicks on most of them. Some had pictures of bodies and they were gorgeous. Some were gross. I clicked on the one that looked the best.

Looking:

Need a girl that loves to suck cock. Can be discreet.

The picture was of a very large cock and then the guy from the neck down. He was hot, I will give him that.

I opened my email then stopped. The problem was I needed to be anonymous. I couldn’t send this from my personal address or from my work address. I opened a new browser and took some time to make another address. What would my name be? I cycled through a few from Chloe to Madeline to Madison. No. Nothing fit. I stopped and looked at my phone. Still nothing from Jim. I scrolled up through the texts from him in case I missed something. I realized what he said to me and I knew what my name was: Cum Slut. C. S. for short.

I set up the account then went back to the personals. I sent an email to the first guy:

Hello,

I saw your ad. I really başakşehir escort like your pictures. Maybe we can meet up?

C.S.

I clicked on a few more ads and sent the same email. I scrolled through a few more than one ad caught my eye:

Help: Wife looking for another woman to please her husband.

I have always wanted to watch my husband with another woman. The catch is, he doesn’t know about it. I am looking for another woman to plot with and to seduce him.

Interesting.

I sent her an email and waited. I wasn’t sure how many I answered but I felt like it was enough. Even if I didn’t hear anything, I needed to get out of the house. Hopefully Jim would get back to me or something.

I changed clothes, put on a thong and the only cute bra I had then slid into some yoga pants and a tank top. Maybe I would go to the gym to burn off this energy. The truth was I liked the way my ass looked in these pants. Maybe I would catch a guy looking at me at the gym. It has happened before. Maybe this time I can act on it.

I was back in the car when I received the first email. It was a reply from one of the men:

Are you real?

I pulled the car over and wrote back quickly on the phone. Yes. Want to meet?

I waited. I refreshed my email like ten times before I got a response: Yes. Phone number?

My heart sank. I couldn’t start sending out my phone number. I needed to be anonymous. I had to think about that. In the meantime I received another reply. Then another. Most simply asked if I was real. I replied the same then went back to the first guy and wrote:

Working on it. I need to be discreet.

I waited as my email was blowing up with more replies. Most asked for pictures or my number. I replied the same way to all of them:

I need to be discreet.

Finally the first guy wrote back:

Understood. Me too. Let’s meet at the parklot at the park in 20 minutes.

I smiled: perfect.

I was off. I glanced at the clock and frowned. It had been almost two hours since I left the church. Hopefully Aaron was too busy to check in on me.

20 Minutes later I pulled into the parking lot of the local park. There were 4 cars in the lot and I pulled up next to the one that matched the description in the email. I could see the driver sitting looking around nervously. Our eyes met and he nodded at me. I nodded back. He was in his early twenties, thin with a bit of facial hair. Not unattractive, but I wouldn’t have picked him out in a crowd as a hot guy.

I took a deep breath and got out bebek escort of the car. I walked over to his and knocked on the window of the passenger seat. He unlocked the door and I got in.

“Um, C.S.?” He asked nervously.

I nodded, “Yeah.”

“You are way better looking than I was expecting from an anonymous ad,” he said with a smile.

“Thank you,” I said with a smile. I could tell he was a sweet guy. He had this desperate feel about him-a loneliness almost. “Why don’t you lean back, relax and show me what you need me to take care of.”

He swallowed hard, nodded then slid his seat back. He fiddled with his belt and pants then slid them down below his knees revealing a shaved, semi hard cock. It looked pretty big to me. Big for a guy that was so thin and nervous. I guess I assumed guys with bigger dicks were more confident or something. I slid my hand over his thigh and looked up at him. He looked at me nervously.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I am really nervous.”

“Shhh,” I said sliding my hand over the soft skin of his dick. “Don’t worry about anything. Just let me take care of this guy for you.” I gripped it gently and stroked it.

He swallowed and nodded, “Ok. Um, want me to tell you when I cum?”

“Up to you,” I said.

“C-can I cum in your mouth?”

I looked at his cock, then back to him. “You can cum wherever you want to.”

He nodded and sighed loudly as I took the tip of his dick in my mouth. He immediately grew hard as I took all of it in my mouth and held it there. I cupped his smooth balls with my hand and started to suck very slowly. Everything was so smooth. I loved it.

My heart was pounding and I felt like I was finally getting to eat after days without food. I closed my eyes and just focused on sucking this big cock. Every inch went in my mouth, then almost back out. I pushed down on it as far as I could and held it there. The smoothness of his skin felt good against my forehead and chin. I felt his hands in my hair.

“Oh shit…” he groaned as I began bobbing on it faster. ‘Yes, yes keep going. Yes…”

I kept up the pace. He was getting swollen and harder. I knew it wouldn’t be long.

Suddenly my mouth filled with warm cum. “Ah! AHH!” He cried out. Inadvertently thrust with each pulse as what must have been a cup of cum shot out into my mouth and down my throat.

I swallowed it as fast as I could, some ran out and I did my best to keep going until he held me head still. I let it fall from my mouth, already growing flaccid and gooey. I began to lick up the bits I had missed and he just ran his fingers through my hair as I did. Then I was done.

I sat up, wiped my mouth. “Yummy,” I said.

“That was amazing,” he said.

I smiled at him and opened the door to get out.

“Hey,” he called. “Can I see you again?”

“Keep my email,” I replied as I got in my car and drove away.