I don’t want you to get the wrong impression. I’m not psychologically damaged in any way. I’m not afraid of open spaces or confined spaces. I’m quite gregarious although I wouldn’t say I’m always the life and soul of any party. I like going out. I like staying in. So what suddenly came over me might seem entirely out of character.

Also I don’t want you to get the idea that there was any violence or nastiness involved. It’s difficult to explain. I’m not sure I understand it myself. No force was involved unless I wanted it to be. If anything, Simon was gentleness itself – well, at least at the beginning. Which perhaps added to the thrill of it all: punishment and love, an irresistible combination.

I suppose if I had to pick a time when it all started, it was when we were making love – well, having sex – oh, let’s call it fucking – when Simon was fucking me missionary style. Which was enjoyable, don’t get me wrong. I love his cock and I love it when he has it inside me, whichever way he decides. But I don’t know what came over me. Suddenly it seemed to me it was a bit boring. Well, not exactly boring, that’s unfair, but predictable. Or conventional. Yes, that’s the word: conventional. I mean, it was great. As I say, I loved the feel of his cock in my pussy. And I knew I would probably come, because I usually did however he fucked me. But a devil inside me suddenly said, do something different, surprise him.

So instead of clutching him with my arms round him, like I usually did, I raked my fingernails down his back. I didn’t intend to hurt him, poor guy, because I thought I’d done it pretty lightly. But I suppose I mustn’t know my own strength, or I had sharp fingernails that day, or something, because the next thing I knew he was screaming in pain.

‘What was that?’

‘Sorry. I thought you’d like it.’

‘Being scratched by your talons? How would you like it?’

I thought about it. ‘I don’t know. Maybe you should try it.’

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

‘As a punishment,’ I added. Suddenly the word ‘punishment’ seemed not only appropriate, but exciting too. ‘Otherwise,’ I added, giving him a sly grin, ‘I might do it again.’

‘Oh no, you won’t.’ He pulled my arms from around him and with one hand held them by my wrists flat on the pillow above my head.

He was strong, definitely, but I could have freed myself if I’d exerted myself. It’s difficult to hold two wrists with one hand, no matter how strong you are. But suddenly, I don’t know, I liked the idea of being pinned there with my arms above my head and his body pressing down on mine and his cock thrusting inside my pussy. I felt helpless – or rather, I allowed myself to feel helpless. And I loved it.

‘Go on then, you bastard,’ I said, pretending to resist. ‘Fuck me.’

For a moment he looked shocked and I thought he was going to stop and let me go. But I gave him a quick grin to show him I didn’t mean it, and he fell into the role I’d hoped he would.

‘OK, bitch,’ he said, not quite giving enough force to the word, but I appreciated the effort. Anyway, the important thing was he didn’t let me go. He carried on fucking me and suddenly it felt much better than before. As I said, it was like I was helpless. And I loved it. It was like I was being forced to feel pleasure. Not like I was being raped, which has never happened to me, thank God, and which I imagine is really horrible. But the increased pleasure was real. I could feel every movement of his cock in my cunt and it was amazing, like all my senses had multiplied a hundred-fold. Within a few seconds I could feel my orgasm approaching.

‘You bastard,’ I said, trying to look angry in the middle of my mounting orgasm, ‘you’re going to make me come.’

‘Isn’t that the idea?’

‘Please don’t.’ I tried to sound pathetic.

‘What?’ He suddenly stopped.

Desperately I hissed at him, ‘Don’t stop. Keep fucking me.’

Frustratingly my orgasm retreated a bit, but he resumed fucking me, albeit slower than before because the poor guy was confused, and my orgasm started to grow again. ‘Don’t make me come, please,’ I said again, and this time he got the message.

‘Shut up. I’m going to make you come whether you want to or not.’

‘Oh no. Don’t make me.’

I couldn’t say anything after that because he fucked me so hard my orgasm hit me like a train and all I could do was give myself over to it. The feeling of being held down, of being a helpless victim made it all the more intense. God, it was fantastic.

When Simon came a few seconds later I got another rush. I wanted to plead with him not to come inside me, so as to increase my feeling of being attacked, but the feeling of his come exploding inside my cunt felt too good and I worried it might spoil the moment. He seemed to have become a bit more brutal too, which added another frisson. He grunted with the effort and banged his cock hard into me so that I could feel our pelvic bones colliding. It was amazing.

Afterwards he rolled off bilecik escort me and lay beside me and I curled up in his arm. ‘That was lovely.’

‘So what was that all about?’ he asked. ‘All that “hold me down and don’t make me come” stuff?’

‘I don’t know. But when you held my wrists above my head it really turned me on. I just like the idea of you being a bit forceful.’

‘OK.’ I could tell he wasn’t entirely convinced. ‘Just so long as you’re not getting into bondage or anything like that.’

I didn’t say anything, just hugged him.

I tried not to think too much about it, but it kept coming back to me what a buzz I’d felt being helpless while being fucked. And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted it again. Simon and I fucked a couple more times over the next few days but it was a bit disappointing. I was too distracted thinking about how I could get him to be more forceful. I wasn’t sure what I wanted, but I felt I needed to be pinned down somehow, to be made helpless and then to be mercilessly made to come – almost against my will, but not really. Part of me knew it was ridiculous – the idea of being forced to do something that I wanted anyway – but the urge grew on me despite that.

The next time I felt horny we were kissing and fondling on the couch and I checked his cock was nice and hard inside his jeans and I said, ‘I don’t want to fuck.’

‘What?’ He stopped kissing and squeezing my tits and just looked at me like I’d slapped him.

‘If you want to fuck me,’ I said, as challengingly as I could, ‘you’ll have to force me.’

‘I can’t do that,’ he said uncertainly. ‘That’d be, like, rape.’

I backtracked a bit. ‘Well, you don’t have to be violent or anything. Why don’t you try these?’ I showed him a pair of handcuffs I’d bought a couple of days before in a sex shop.

He weighed them in his hands. ‘What do I do with them?’

‘Put them on me, of course.’ It seemed a bit weird instructing him how to restrain me against my will, but I persevered. ‘Make it so I can’t resist you.’

‘OK.’ He put my hands together and clicked the handcuffs round the wrists. ‘Now what?’

‘I suppose you’ll do whatever you want,’ I said, trying to sound angry and resistant. In fact, I could already feel my heart beating faster.

He put my hands above my head. ‘How’s that?’

‘You’re not supposed to ask me. Besides, I can still move them.’ To prove it, I punched him with both hands in the ribcage.

‘Oh, so it’s like that,’ he said, getting up. He grabbed the chain of the handcuffs and dragged me off the couch.

‘Where are you taking me?’ I asked, trying to put a nervous tremor into my voice.

He didn’t answer. He dragged me – well, led me, he was still being too gentle for my taste, but the spirit was there – up to the bedroom. ‘Lie down.’ He almost said ‘please’ but choked it off in time.

‘Make me,’ I said defiantly.

I was standing by the bed, so he just pushed me backwards a little and my knees buckled and I fell on the bed. ‘Bastard.’

‘Yeah,’ he said as he pulled my hands up to the bed rail, un-locked one of the handcuffs, threaded it through an upright then clicked it shut on my wrist again. This is more like it, I thought excitedly. With my arms extended and being unable to move them more than a couple of inches, I felt truly at his mercy.

‘Now what?’ he asked uncertainly, surveying my defenceless body, albeit still clothed.

‘I suppose you’ll have your way with me.’ I tried to cover my excitement with an anger I didn’t feel.

‘OK.’ He started taking my shoes off and putting them neatly on the floor.

‘You don’t have to be so considerate,’ I whispered. ‘I’m at your mercy.’

‘Oh, yeah,’ he said, light dawning. Roughly he pushed my top off and manhandled my tits. This is more like it, I thought, as I felt his fingers squeezing my nipples. Within seconds they were like stones. ‘You want this, don’t you?’ he said, a hint of surprise in his voice.

‘No way, you bastard.’

He grinned. I think he was beginning to enjoy his new role. He didn’t bother to undo my skirt, just pushed it up to my waist, revealing my black thong. ‘Open your legs.’ There was no choked-off ‘please’ this time.

‘Make me.’ I squeezed my thighs tight together.

He put his hands between them and forced them apart. I resisted for a few seconds then gave in. He put his hand roughly on my pussy and fingered it for a while. It was crude but it was what I wanted right then. I could feel my pussy lips swelling. ‘Don’t think you’ll make me feel anything.’

‘Huh,’ he said. ‘We’ll see, shall we?’

He yanked my knickers down and left them hanging off one foot. I felt more naked than I’d ever felt being completely undressed and more excited than I’d ever been before. He wet his fingers then had a better idea. He put them in my mouth. ‘Suck them,’ he ordered – a little uncertainly, but I appreciated he was trying.

I did as I was told, but groaned to show bingöl escort I objected to being forced. I made sure they were thoroughly wet before he put them back on my pussy. He rubbed my pussy lips – a bit too gently, unfortunately, but I was getting pretty turned on anyway, what with not being able to move my arms. I twisted my body as if to try and get away, but really I was pressing down on his hand to hint that he could be a bit rougher.

I was getting nicely turned on and wondering what else I could persuade him to do, when I suddenly had the bright idea to turn over. I’ve always liked being fucked from behind and now I could have both pleasures: that and being forced against my will, as it were.

It was a tricky manoeuvre with my wrists handcuffed, but I managed to push one leg over, almost trapping his hand in the process, and twist my body so that I was lying on my front. ‘I told you I didn’t want to be fucked.’

Simon had had to move his hand from my pussy when I turned and for a moment I thought he was going to take me at my word and give up. But then he said, ‘Huh, we’ll see about that,’ and the next thing he’d pushed my thighs apart and put his hand on my pussy from behind. Oh, that felt good. Dirty but good. I was sopping by then and his fingers slid easily backwards and forwards all round my labia. Fuck, but I was so turned on I wouldn’t have cared if he’d shoved a cucumber inside me.

‘You want it, don’t you?’ he said, sounding surprised at my being so wet.

‘No, I don’t.’

Fortunately he didn’t stop and I couldn’t help but rotate my bum against his inquisitive fingers. I tried to make out I was attempting to get away from his touch, but really I was making him press harder. Then he moved his hand away and for an awful moment I thought he’d given up. I twisted my head round and saw him undoing his jeans and getting his cock out. It was harder and bigger than I’d ever seen it.

‘Don’t fuck me, please.’

Even then, it made him pause until I made a sort of half-smile. He put his hands on my hips and lifted me roughly onto my knees. The next thing I felt was the head of his cock at my pussy. ‘No, don’t,’ I said again, but I think by that time he was just as desperate as me to have his cock inside my cunt. He pushed harder than he’d ever done before, but I was so wet his cock went in without any resistance.

‘Oh fuck,’ I groaned, not because I was pretending to be outraged, but because it felt so glorious to be suddenly so filled up. His cock felt huge. He started thrusting in and out of me hard and fast. With my arms stretched there was little I could do, either to resist or join in. I was genuinely at his mercy and it felt great. I’d never felt so helpless nor so ready for an orgasm. Within a minute or two I could feel it building.

‘Don’t make me come,’ I mumbled into the pillow.

But he just kept pounding into me. ‘You bet I will. I’m not going to stop now.’

‘Please.’ It was more like a moan of pleasure than anything else.

For good measure he slapped my bum, not hard but it made my orgasm come that little bit harder. ‘Oh fuck, you’re making me come.’ I clutched the rail where my wrists were handcuffed. I needed to hang onto something while my body was being assaulted. Then it was on me and I felt the waves crashing inside me, starting in the depths of my cunt and flowing up through my body and out the top of my head.

‘Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck.’

Then he was coming too and I felt the tingle of his come inside my vagina and it set off another wave of orgasm, more intense than the first. I wanted to clutch my pussy with my hands to try and calm it down, but of course I couldn’t move them, and that made it all the more intense. It was like I was drowning in pleasure and there was nothing I could do about it. God.

Afterwards, when he’d released my hands and I was curled up in his arms, he asked, ‘So did you like being handcuffed?’

‘It was amazing.’

‘Just so long as you’re sure I didn’t hurt you.’

‘You didn’t. I’d tell you if you did.’ I thought about it. ‘It’s not about being hurt. It’s almost the opposite. It’s about being forced to feel pleasure, about being helpless while you’re making me have an orgasm.’

‘OK,’ he said. ‘I think I get it.’

‘What about you? Do you like making me feel helpless?’

He thought about it. ‘I’m getting used to the idea,’ he said then he smiled and kissed me.

The next time we fucked, he handcuffed me without my asking him, but then, instead of cuffing me to the bed, he looped the chain of the cuffs over a hook on the back of the bedroom door. I was stuck there, standing upright but with my arms raised above my head. I suppose I could have got my arms down, but I wanted to see what he had in mind.

What he had in mind was undressing me, which was a nice surprise. First he pulled my top down to my waist then instead of undoing my bra he just pushed it up so that my tits popped out beneath. I made lots of protests, bingöl genç escort of course, but I was excited, especially when he started manhandling them and squeezing and sucking my nipples. Then he unzipped my skirt and felt for my pussy through my knickers. Fuck. Still kissing my tits, he roughly pulled my knickers to one side so my pussy was in the open. Like before, he put his fingers in my mouth to get them thoroughly wet then had his way with my cunt, feeling all round and slipping fingers inside me to make sure I was ready for him. God, was I ever.

Pretty soon I was gagging for him, though I kept up a steady stream of pleadings not to fuck me, which he ignored. He dropped his trousers and pants and got out his hard cock – I couldn’t take my eyes off it – then, without taking my knickers off, hoisted my knees up so my legs were round his waist and thrust his cock up into my sopping cunt. Fuck, it felt marvellous, a real invasion. I wanted it so much, I ground down on it so hard I thought my arms might come out of their sockets. Luckily he put his hands under my bum and held me up so the weight came off my arms and I could concentrate on the feeling of his cock in my cunt. Fucking standing up was a first for me and it was like nothing on earth. He was banging me against the door, but the pain was drowned out by what I was feeling between my legs. I was aware only of his cock in my cunt. I only felt the pain in my arms and thighs later, when we’d both come, which happened far too quickly, more’s the pity.

Even so, when it happened, it was pretty spectacular. Pretty soon, we were both moaning like crazy things. I could feel his come shooting into me, which is a feeling like no other, and when he finally pulled his cock out, it oozed out of me and dribbled down my leg. I didn’t care. I was too far gone by then.

He unhooked me and I collapsed into his arms.

By the time we fucked again, he didn’t need any prompting. In fact, it was me who wondered what on earth he would come up with next. I loved the excitement. I couldn’t wait.

He cuffed me to the head of the bed like the first time, only this time took all my clothes off from the waist down. I writhed around a lot to show I wasn’t having any of this, but eventually let him spread my legs. He took off his belt and for an awful moment I thought that he was going to hit me with it. But instead he just used it to strap my ankle to one end of the bed. Satisfied I was tied down and couldn’t go anywhere he took his time getting another belt out of his drawer, which he used to tie my other ankle to the opposite side of the bed-end. So there I was with my legs strapped wide apart and my arms stretched above my head. I really was helpless and my heart beat like a drum in my chest.

‘Don’t you dare fuck me,’ I protested, knowing full well that he was going to and that I would love it.

But he said, ‘OK, have it your own way.’

For a moment my heart sank, especially when he showed no sign of getting his cock out. But then he put his hand on my pussy and started stroking it, all the time just standing there looking at me.

‘Bastard,’ I murmured, already feeling the pleasure growing in my groin.

Then he bent down and started kissing it. Oh fuck. I have always loved cunnilingus, just loved it. With my legs apart I was wide open and he had no trouble finding his way between my lips with his tongue. Pretty soon I was heaving my hips up, desperate to have him suck my clit or put his tongue in me, or do anything at all. Just so long as he made me come, the sooner the better.

After that his inventiveness knew no bounds. On the next occasion he strapped me down like before, but instead of fucking me or sucking me off, he used a vibrator to make me come. Then, instead of letting me up, he strapped the vibrator to my thigh so that the head was pressed against my pussy and turned it on again. Oh fuck. I must have come half a dozen times. By the time he switched it off I was moaning hysterically and drowning in sweat. I could barely remember what my name was.

The next day I pretended to be outraged that he could subject me to such torture, but he knew it was all part of the game. He said, ‘OK, now it’s my turn.’

‘What? You mean you want me to tie you up?’

‘No way. Come here.’ He put my hands behind my back and cuffed them together. ‘Take my cock out.’

I indicated my cuffed hands. ‘How am I supposed to do that?’

‘Work it out,’ he said. ‘You’re a bright girl.’

I thought for a moment, then turned my back to him and felt for his belt. It wasn’t difficult to undo it, unzip his jeans and fish his cock out from his pants, even though I couldn’t see what I was doing. ‘Now what?’ I said, turning to face him.

‘Get down on your knees.’

I knelt in front him. His cock stood hard and erect inches from my face. ‘You know what to do.’

Playing the sex slave, I kissed the end of his cock then took it into my mouth. ‘Make me come,’ he ordered me. ‘And make sure you swallow.’

So I did.

About two years later I was down the gym with Maisie, my best friend. We told each other everything, but I hadn’t yet confessed what Simon and I got up to. When we were in the changing room after we’d had our showers, she saw me pull my knickers on.