Dropping the Bottle Opener


So he bends over to pick up the bottle opener, his jeans so far down you can see his arse inside his boxers, and I say, “Fuckin’ ‘ell, Tyler! Are you deliberately flashin’ me an eyeful o’ wank-fodder!”

He turned to grin at me, still bending over, and reached round to the back his boxers to yank them down a bit and show off his chubby white cheeks. He made a stupid face like some porn tart over-doing it and called out, “Oh, bum me arse, Nick! Bum it dead hard!”

“Seriously, mate,” I laughed, “any more o’ that, an’ I’ll be whackin’ off all night, re-livin’ the moment!”

His arse did look really nice, the part of it I could see. I liked the way his crack was gaping open a bit from where he was bending forwards, and how his butt-hair was sprouting like a thicket inside it.

“What, for real, Nick?” he grinned, pulling his boxers and jeans back up and standing up with the bottle opener. “You’d proper wank off thinkin’ about my arse?”

“Of course I would!” I laughed. “You know I’m a bender, mate!”

I’d told him I was gay when we’d been like eighteen or something.

“Yeah, but you know I’m not,” he said, sitting back down in the armchair and opening another beer.

“My brain knows yer straight, yeah, but my prick doesn’t much care! And an arse is an arse when a gay lad’s poundin’ the pork!”

“But d’ya think about my arse, Nick?” he asked after taking a gobful of drink. “I mean, d’ya think of my arse in particular when you’re bonin’ off?”

I paused, pretending like I suddenly needed a swig from my own bottle, while I thought about my answer. I didn’t want to freak him out – make him scared that I might fancy him or something – but I didn’t want to lie and make out that I didn’t find him attractive.

So in the end I pussied out and asked him back, “Would it bother you if I did?”

He shrugged. “I dunno… mebbe not. I suppose I’d figured you might think about… you know… my dick and stuff. But my arse…”

He thought about it for a few seconds, taking another drink from his bottle, before deciding, “Well, since yer gay I suppose it’s a bit obvious that you’d jerk off thinkin’ about what my bum looks like.”

I nodded, pleased he’d answered his question for himself.

“You should be flattered, mate,” I grinned, “it’s not every bloke’s arse that has me whackin’ me stalk off over it!”

He chucked but I could see from his face that he was thinking over what this really meant.

“So do you just think about what it looks like…? Or do you…”

He looked across at me, his eyes on mine. He muttered, “You don’t mind me askin’ you this sort o’ stuff, do you?”

“Of course, I don’t,” I smiled, trying to lighten the mood a bit. “Since it’s your arse, Tyler… I guess you have a right to know what I’m thinkin’ about it!”

He smiled back but he still looked serious.

“Do you imagine doin’ stuff with it?”

I shrugged. “Sometimes… yeah…”

“Touchin’ it?”


“Stickin’ your knob up it?”

I paused and then nodded before admitting with a small blush, “Or other things…”

“Other things? Like what?”

Now he looked terrified, like I’d been imagining ramming a fucking truncheon up there or something.

“I just mean my finger… or my tongue…”

“Your tongue! Fuckin’ hell, Nick – steady on, mate!”

“What’s up?” I said, surprised that he’d be so shocked. “It’s what gay lads do, Tyler! There’s always blokes doin’ it to each other in gay porn.”

“Mebbe there is… but Jesus! I ‘ad no idea you was into doin’ stuff like that!”

I smiled at him, still trying to make this a bit more lightweight.

“Come on, mate – you like lickin’ a girl’s minge out before you shove your dick up it,” I said. It wasn’t a question – he went on about how horny he thought it was all the time. “Well, I like lickin’ a lad’s tush just the same!”

“But it’s his fuckin’ arse!” he said back, totally appalled at the idea. “I mean it’d be bad enough pushin’ your cock up the hole another fella shits through… but stickin’ your tongue up it… tell me yer fuckin’ kiddin’, dude!”

“Straight up, Tyler. It’s called rimming a dude out and it’s not dirty or nasty or anything like that. First time I did it I couldn’t believe how horny I got!”

“What, doin’ it or havin’ it done to you?”

“Both ways, mate,” I grinned. In a funny sort of way I was pleased we were having this conversation and being upfront about stuff. “You’d think it’d be awful, stickin’ yer face into some dude’s arse crack, but believe me, Tyler – for a gay guy it’s total heaven!”

“Jesus,” he said again, staring at me like a goldfish and looking more blown out than he had the night I’d told him I fancied guys not girls.

“So that’s what you think about doin’, is it?” he asked eventually. “Wanking yer prick off, thinkin’ about gettin’ down behind me and ‘avin’ a lick of me arse?”

“Sometimes, yeah,” I admitted.

“And does it really get you goin’? I mean, can you actually spunk up thinkin’ of lickin’ my shitter?”

I was surprised güvenilir bahis by the question because he’d never asked me stuff like this. He was often keen to joke about whacking off himself and the girls and scenarios that had made his spunk start shooting, but he’d always just ignored the fact that for me things don’t quite work the same way.

“Not always,” I replied. “I like to think about other stuff too…”

“Like what?”

“I told you – I sometimes think about what it’d be like to finger it. Or goin’ a bit further and… you know…”

“Shovin’ yer dick up it?” he reminded me.

I nodded and asked him “Does all this bother you, mate?”

He shrugged and took a swig from his beer and then said, “I guess not… not really. I suppose it’s obvious that you would wank off over stuff like that… I just didn’t know you was thinkin’ about doin’ it with me.”

“It’s nothin’ serious, Tyler,” I told him with what I hoped would look like a friendly smile. “It’s just fantasy, mate. No different to you jerkin’ off thinkin’ about that girl you like in Starbucks.”

“I fancy her, though,” he said, suddenly looking more defensive. “You’re not sayin’ that you fancy me, are you?”

“Of course I fuckin’ don’t mate!” I laughed, maybe too quickly. “Okay, so that was a bad example. You must jerk off thinkin’ about girls you know without fancying them…”

He nodded, looking slightly less rattled. “Okay, fair point. I just didn’t know, that’s all. It hadn’t occurred to me that you’d be jazzin’ off thinkin’ about doin’ stuff with my bum, but mebbe that’s just me bein’ stupid.”

“Would it bother you less if I’d told you I was wankin’ off thinkin’ about your dick?”

“Yeah, prob’ly,” he nodded. “I mean, I’ve seen you lookin’ at it when we’ve been takin’ a piss and stuff, so I figured you was prob’ly wonderin’ what it’d be like to… you know… suck it off… and… well… that kinda thing.”

“‘That kinda thing’?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he smirked, looking more okay with this side of things. “Gettin’ it up you… ‘avin’ me on yer back, shaggin’ you up the bum!”

“And that wouldn’t bother you?”

“Not really,” he grinned. “I’m pretty fit and I’m not too bad lookin’ so it’s not totally whacked-out to think a gay guy might imagine what it’d be like to have me in bed with him… workin’ him over!”

“Okay,” I smiled back. “So you’d be okay with it if I said I wanked off thinkin’ of me bendin’ over with you bangin’ away behind me?”

“It wouldn’t suprise me, no!” he answered. “I mean, I wouldn’t… you know… presume you’d be up for whatever… but it’s occurred to me once or twice that you might think about what it’d be like to have me givin’ yer arse a good bummin’!”

“Okay… so havin’ me thinkin’ about your arse isn’t that much different, is it?”

“Of course it is!” he shot back, his expression becoming hostile again. “It’s totally fuckin’ different! Out of the fuckin’ ball park, Nick!”

I didn’t ask how it was so different but instead tried to calm things down again.

“Look, mate, if it’s gonna spaz you out, we can talk about somethin’ else. I only told you this sorta stuff ’cause you asked me about it.”

“No – I wanna know,” he insisted. “Like you said, it’s my bum so it’s only right I know what you’re thinkin’ about it.”

“I’ve pretty much told you all there is,” I shrugged. “If I wank off over it – and it’s not like I do that all the time – I think about licking it, fingering it and… well…”

“Fucking it,” he said flatly and I nodded, hoping that telling him my dirty secret wouldn’t affect our friendship.

“So how do you imagine doin’ it?” he asked. “I mean, what’s yer favourite position to wank off over?”

“How do I imagine shaggin’ yer arse?”

“Yeah… d’ya think of me bendin’ over with you behind me? The two of us doin’ it like the way it’s scrawled all over the walls of blokes’ bogs?”

“Pretty much,” I admitted. “It’s as good a position as any.”

“Do we do it on your bed in your bedroom?”

“Tyler, you know this is all just fantasy… there’s nothing serious in it. You totally get that, don’t you?”

“I know that, yeah,” he nodded. “I’m just interested in finding out how yer’ve been imaginin’ gettin’ it on with me.”

“Well, yeah, we mostly do it on my bed… you on all-fours and me kneelin’ behind you. We’ve got our clothes on with our jeans hitched down, ’cause I reckon it’d be a spur o’ the moment kinda thing, if you know what I mean.”

He smiled at that. My gay fantasies, like his straight ones no doubt, had to be realistic if they were going to be horny.

He asked, “And am I all like, ‘Give it to me big boy! Bum me proper hard!’ and stuff?”

“Naah… that would seem daft ’cause I don’t think you would do that.”

“So what do I say?”

“Nothin’ much. I just do you up the bum and we both stare forwards at my bedroom wall with me holdin’ onto you by the hips.”

He chuckled and grinned at me and I suddenly realised he was getting interested in this. And not just to türkçe bahis find out what sort of stuff was going on in my sick and twisted brain, but maybe because he was liking that I thought he was fit and wanked off thinking about doing him.

“And what’s me arse look like in this fantasy of yours?” he smirked over.

“It just looks like your arse. I have… you know… seen it a few times…”

I pretty regularly got a nice long look at the big solid thing in the showers after we’d played football with the team he plays on at work. It’s one of the best butts I’ve seen, and I’ve seen quite a few.

“So you’ll know I haven’t got the sort of arse you’re gonna see in a gay porno… I mean, it’s not shaved and scrubbed and definitely doesn’t smell of rose petals!”

“I wouldn’t like it if it was,” I shrugged. “I like blokes’ arses to look and smell like… well… blokes’ arses. I take them as they come.”

He nodded and kept staring over at me with that weird smirk on his lips sort of fixed in place. I wasn’t sure if this was just him feeling flattered or whether there was something else making him look at me so funny.

“In that case, you wouldn’t mind that I’m all hairy and smelly down there?”

I shook my head and he went on, “And you don’t mind it gets a bit grungy between the cheeks? That doesn’t put you off when you’re wankin’ off thinkin’ about licking me out?”

I was again surprised by the question – especially the way he was looking at me like he was – but I thought I’d answer it honestly.

If he wanted me to say that I found another fella’s unwashed bum a bit too icky for my sissy boy tastes, then he totally had another thing coming. I like men’s arses in whatever state I find them and I have no problem with getting my nose wedged into the wiry stink between a nice looking guy’s big beefy pair of cheeks.

So I said, trying to smirk back like this was just the two of us having a bit of banter, “I don’t mind a sweaty crack, Tyler.”

“It’s not just sweat, mate,” his mouth broke into a full-on grin.

“Well, I don’t mind that either if I’m honest,” I smiled back.

“You don’t?”

“Do you mind licking a girl out if she isn’t sqeaky clean?”

“When you put it like that, I suppose a bit of smell down there is part o’ the fun, isn’t it? I just didn’t think it would work the same way with a gay bloke lickin’ another fella’s skanky arse.”

“It works for me like that. I find it kinda… well… horny, if I’m honest…”

“So it wouldn’t bother you if I was a bit shitty back there?” he asked, that odd-looking smirk returning.

I shrugged. “Not really, mate… I reckon I’d prob’ly like it…”

We stared at each other for a few seconds before Tyler took a long deep drink from his bottle, finishing it off. He got up and went out into the kitchen to get a couple more beers from the fridge and then came back into the room and threw one over to me.

“You know what the most messed up part of all this is?” he asked. “My cock’s gone horny as fuck with all this dirty talk we’ve been havin’!”

So that must have been what all the smirking was about.

“Can you believe that, mate?!” he went on, laughing. “I’ve only gone and grown a gristle!”

I looked at his crotch and saw a long, thick rod running upwards towards the left pocket of his jeans. Tyler had a big cock – something else I’d often noticed in the football showers.

“It’s not on full bone, is it?” I grinned, putting two and two together about what this meant.

He smiled back at me, still standing up, and gently rubbed at the mound his organ was making in the front of his jeans. “Big as it gets, Nick… and dribblin’ like a leaky tap! All from the thought of havin’ a tongue lickin’ round me dirty shitter!”

“The thought of my tongue lickin’ it?”

“Not yours especially,” he replied. “Just how horny it must be to feel someone’s tongue slidin’ in and out of me little brown stink-hole.”

“It feels totally awesome, Tyler… you ‘ave no idea ’til you’ve tried it.”

“Well, I’d be well up for tryin’ it. Me fuckin’ cock’s makin’ me boxers all sticky just from the thought of it.”

I wanted to offer that if he yanked the back of his jeans down here and now, I’d stick my face into his whiffy butt-crack and give his chute the full works. But I wasn’t sure if he really was giving me the come-on I thought he was and was afraid of how he might react to the suggestion that I wanted to get sexy with him.

So I didn’t say anything and watched him reach over the low table for the bottle opener. He grabbed it and then, making it obvious it was deliberate, dropped it onto the floor. He smirked at me and then bent down like he had earlier, making the waistband of his jeans hitch down to show off for the second time his big chunky buttocks filling out the back of his shorts.

“Oh nice!” I laughed. “More wank fodder for me, mate!”

“Yeah?” he grinned up over his shoulder. “Is this gettin’ you horny too?”

“I reckon it will if you gimme a flash of yer buns like you güvenilir bahis siteleri did before!”

He chuckled and yanked down the back of his shorts to let me see his bare bum. He went further this time and I got to ogle at a lot more of it than he had when he’d been joking about earlier.

It was really skanky if I’m honest. There was a moist sticky residue smeared inside his crack and the forest of hair between his cheeks was matted in clumps around where his pucker would be.

I felt my mouth watering at how tasty it looked. If he wanted my face in there he only had to ask.

“Is the sight o’ my cruddy crack givin’ you somethin’ to crank yer nut over?” he asked.

“Oh yeah,” I grinned. “It looks well hot, Tyler. I fuckin’ love it!”

“Might as well show you the whole shebang,” he said, pulling his jeans further down and hitching his boxers down to the tops of his thighs. His massive hard-on sprung upwards underneath his belly and pointed forwards with its red head looking full and slimy. His boner was so much bigger than I’d expected from how it looked limp in the showers. Even in my fantasies, his knob had never seemed this long and thick.

He went to pick up the bottle opener and then clumsily dropped it again, causing him to swivel around a bit and back towards me.

“I can’t seem to get a grip on this thing,” he chuckled and kept dropping it over and over, until soon his round, ripe arse was right in front of my face. I could smell his crack-odour strongly from how close he was. It was giving out a harsh, raunchy stink that made my own much smaller cock grow longer in my briefs, poking upwards against the fly of my jeans.

“Jesus, Tyler,” I gasped, inhaling his bum stink hungrily, “your arse is well whiffy! I bet it tastes fuckin’ gorgeous, mate!”

“You wanna try it?” he asked. “Just between the two of us, mind.”

“Fuck yeah!” I laughed. “You sure you want me to?”

“Just to see how it feels. If I like it you can… well… let’s just see if I like it first, eh?!”

I got off the sofa and knelt down behind him like I’d fantasized so many times across years of wank-off sessions. His arse seemed so massive right in front of my face – much bigger and more meaty than the butts of the other lads I’d hooked up with and rimmed out.

I pressed my face against his cheeks with my nose nuzzling into his hot, funky trench. I took a long deep sniff of his stink and he laughed and said, “Oh yeah, sniff my fuckin’ arse, you dirty bum-boy!”

All the time he’d known I was gay, Tyler had never gone in for name-calling and I was surprised that right now he would say something like that. I figured it must his way of proving he really was straight, in spite of letting another guy rim him out, and so even though normally I’d have had a go at him about calling me a bum-boy, I let it drop if I meant I got to taste his big chunky bum.

I inhaled a few times and then told him, “Bloody ‘ell, Tyler! Your arse stinks as rough as fuck!”

He laughed again at that and said, “That’s how you like ’em though, isn’t it?”

“Too fuckin’ right,” I gasped, and pushed my face back into him.

My cock was aching in my jeans as I started licking at the hot, strong funk sticking to my mate’s butt-hair and smeared up the insides of his cheeks. I lapped at it hungrily, desperate to taste how rank and bitter it was, and Tyler grabbed my head and ground it harder into his big muscly behind.

“Come on, stick yer tongue up there, nancy-boy! Fuck me with it, like you wanna bum it with yer faggot cock!”

Again I was surprised at the way he was talking to me, but I did as he wanted me to. I pushed my tongue against his tight, swollen hole until it gave in to the pressure and opened up to let me in.

Tyler gasped at feeling my slide into him and then groaned at how great it felt to have the inside of his bum licked out.

I tongued furiously in and out of his hot clammy arsehole, feeding like a half-starved man on all the gunge and crud his butt could give me.

I pulled back from him, gasping, and said, “Jesus, mate! I’ve gotta wank off! This is totally fuckin’ awesome!”

He got up from bending forwards and swivelled around to jab his huge throbbing cock into my face. “Suck it, fag-boy! Eat my big dick!”

As I opened my mouth to ask him why he was calling me all these names, he rammed his shiny red bell-end through my lips so that my mouth was quickly filled to bursting with the thick shaft of Tyler’s massive hard-on. He grabbed the sides of my head with both hands to hold it firm and then face-fucked me roughly, with long rapid strokes.

“Ah yeah! Eat it deep, you fuckin’ cock sucker! Get the stink of my arse all over it!”

I did as he was telling me to – not that I had much choice – and slavered all over the cock with the tongue that had been up his butt.

He grunted, “Drink my juice, you little butt-slut! Bet it tastes better than my shitty hole!”

I reached up to grab his bum with both hands. I loved how firm and muscly his cheeks felt as the broad girth of his cock slammed faster and faster in and out of my mouth. I slid my fingers into his crack, feeling how bristly he was between his cheeks, and worked them lower and lower until I’d found the hot wet opening I’d just rimmed out.

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